Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
