what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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