I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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