I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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