help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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