I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
