Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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