when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
