My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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