What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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