Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
