I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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