yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
