i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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