and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
