mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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