Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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