dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
