i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
