you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
