Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize