who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
