Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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