Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
