Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
