please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
