You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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