Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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