sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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