If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
