So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
