i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
