drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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