He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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