i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
