He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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