Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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