if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
