Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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