Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
