Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
