Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
