Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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