why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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