I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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