this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
