You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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