my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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