from now on my penis is your penis
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize