i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
