So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
