Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
too bad you live with your parents still
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
