Your face is a jimmy john
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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