please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
