The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
