I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
