The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
