Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
