And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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