i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
