I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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