We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
