I bet he comes in French.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
