I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
