She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't turn off my feet"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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