I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
