just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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