Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
