$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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