Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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