It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
