maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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