Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
