This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
