I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
