Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
