Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
