Tell her she can't have a vagina
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
