i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize