i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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