Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
